


VIO ==> Check out the weird alien spaceship in your backyard

by SingingVio



Category: Homestuck, The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Aliens, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Asexual Relationship, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Crossover, F/M, Guns, Humans In Troll Romances (Homestuck), Hurt/Comfort, I am absolutely not kidding, I give you three tries to guess what the ash relationship is, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Medical Procedures Described By Someone Who Is Absolutely Not A Doctor, Minor Violence, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Shadow Curses A Lot and So Does Blue, Space Travel (accidental), That should be an actual tag, Troll Romance (Homestuck), accidental adoption, how is it accidental you ask? literally no one knows, sorta not really, there's a helmsman okay I'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29571846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SingingVio/pseuds/SingingVio
Summary: Much to your friends' dismay, you check out the weird alien spaceship in your backyard.
Relationships: Green Link & Vaati, Green Link & Zelda, Shadow Link & Vio Link, Shadow Link/Vio Link, Shadow Link/Zelda (Past), Vaati/Zelda (Legend of Zelda), Zelda (Legend of Zelda)/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	VIO ==> Check out the weird alien spaceship in your backyard

**Author's Note:**

> VIO ==> Why the fuck is there an alien spaceship in your backyard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, We meet our main characters!

\---pertinaciousCavalier [PC] IS ONLINE---

\---pertinaciousCavalier [PC] OPENED MEMO what did Vio do this time\---

\---pertinaciousCavalier [PC] PINGED 3 PEOPLE---

\---ingeniousArchivist [IA] IS ONLINE---

\---volatilePaladin [VP] IS ONLINE---

\---infernoIncantation [II] IS ONLINE---

VP: what did vio do this time?  
IA: I did nothing, actually. Really, someone else did something that heavily involves Mother and I.  
II: oh no what :?  
PC: i just remembered that none of you watch the news, hold up.

\---pertinaciousCavalier [PC] LINKED VIDEO “ALIENS IN MY NEIGHBOR’S BACKYARD??? (NOT CLICKBAIT) - Live” FROM YOUTUBE---

IA: Who even took that video?  
VP: vio what the fuck happened why did a spaceship crash in your house??  
IA: It barely missed my house, actually, and the only damage is Mother’s vegetable garden and also the ground.  
VP: let me rephrase that: vio why is there a spaceship in your backyard and how is it not national news yet??  
IA: It’s only been a few minutes. Mother just went outside to try and peacefully talk with whoever’s inside the ship so she can figure this out, and I’m going to join her in a second.  
IA: Just watch the video for updates.  
II: vio dont you dare go offline i swear to hylia i wont stop blue from throttling you later :(

\---IngeniousArchiver [IA] IS OFFLINE---

PC: Vio no wtf?!?!?!?!

\--- 

_[VIDEO DESCRIPTION: The camera’s view is shaky and filmed vertically on a phone. The person holding the phone is muttering “holy shit” under their breath over and over as they film over the fence of their yard, the view pointing at their neighbor’s backyard that is taken up by a bright red spaceship about the size of a small house and only barely fitting in the yard._

_A woman is standing in front of the ship, on the patio in the backyard. She has a short bob of platinum blonde hair, and her eyes are a bright blue. Her ears are slightly pointed, her skin pale, and she’s wearing a dark purple suit jacket over a white button-up and a lighter purple skirt with heels. She looks all business and is mumbling to herself while staring up at the ship suspiciously._

_The camera suddenly snaps to the back door of the house, and a teenager steps out. He has long, almost-white hair that reaches his waist, tied in a loose ponytail. His eyes are mismatched, his right eye blue while his left is an unnatural purple, and they’re wide open with curiosity. He’s dressed far more casually than the woman, wearing beat-up blue jeans, purple sneakers, and a grey hoodie with bluetooth headphones around his neck._

_The woman turns to look at him in shock and waves a hand as if to shoo him back to the house.]_

**WOMAN:** _Vio, get back inside, please._

**VIO:** _I’d rather be out here. I won’t do anything, I promise._

_[The woman sighs as if defeated and turns back to the ship. She takes a step forward, and a loud hiss is heard from the ship and both she and Vio freeze completely. There is no smoke, no fire, no dramatic music, as a door hidden in the front of the ship suddenly falls open to make a ramp. Someone leaps out of the doorway into the air, landing in front of Vio and the woman with a gold rapier pointed at the woman._

_The alien is clearly female, with long, thick black hair that’s neatly curled at the ends and reaches down to almost her knees. Her skin is pitch black, and giant horns grown on her head curl forwards and in to make the general shape of a crown. She stands at least eight feet tall and towers over the woman and Vio. She’s wearing a black wetsuit with a loose, sleeveless dress over it. The dress is adorned with a gold belt and multiple gold necklaces, and there are two long slits at the sides that start just above her hips. Her arms are also covered in gold bracelets, and while her feet are bare, she has multiple anklets and jewelry at her ankles, as well.]_

**ALIEN** : _Who are you?_

_[Her speech is broken up and slightly garbled, and she over enunciates every single sound she makes. Her voice is deep as if it’s resonating from the depths of the ocean, and has an echoing quality that makes her speech sound louder than it actually is. Behind her words is a sort of growling sound, low rumbling in her chest that easily makes her words much more threatening than they would have been otherwise.]_

**WOMAN** : _My name is--_

_[The alien snarls at her fiercely and the woman immediately shuts her mouth as the alien nods her head towards Vio.]_

**ALIEN** : _Name._

_[Vio hesitantly points at himself and she nods.]_

**VIO** : _My name is Vio. She’s my Mother, please don’t kill her. Or me, actually. Don’t kill anyone, I’d rather not die today._

_[The alien slowly, hesitantly lowers her rapier to her side, but does not put it away. She extends a hand, pointing at the woman.]_

ALIEN: _Lusus?_

**VIO** : _I don’t know what that is. She’s my Mother._

_[The alien nods understandably, pointing at the woman, then at Vio, then the woman again as she speaks.]_

**ALIEN** : _Caretaker. Not dangerous. Dangerous?_

**VIO** : _Are you saying that I’m not dangerous and asking if my Mother is dangerous?_

**ALIEN** : _Yes._

**VIO** : _We aren’t dangerous._

_[The alien leans forward and stares at Vio, then slowly turns to stare at the woman. She then leans back again and looks over her shoulder at the ship.]_

**ALIEN** : _Ship. Need assistance. Help?_

**VIO** : _You want us to help with your ship?_

**ALIEN** : _Not ship. Helmsman._

**VIO** : _Helmsman. Like, a pilot? The person flying your ship?_

**ALIEN** : _Yes. Need help. Board ship?_

_[The woman and Vio exchange worried looks, having a silent conversation for a long moment before turning back to the alien lady.]_

**VIO** : _Leave the entrances open so we can leave easily. And stay on the ground._

**ALIEN** : _Of course. Battleship Anarchic-- [She makes a series of sounds that are almost all consonants, with different growls, hisses, and clicking noises mixed in. She waits a moment, and a staticky, higher-pitched response in what must be the alien language comes from the ship. The alien nods and then turns back to Vio and the woman.] ---Given access. Follow._

Your name is Green Iroas, and you click out of the video and quickly open your phone to message Vio because if he’s going to die from being a gullible idiot you’re at least going to yell at him for it first. 

\--- 

Your name is Vio Sororia, and you have absolutely no idea why you are doing this. An alien just crash-landed in your backyard and started talking in English (albeit terribly, but English is hard and she’s an alien), and you’re pretty sure she asked for help with the ‘helmsman,’ which you’re guessing is her pilot. Maybe they got sick or hurt, and that’s why she crashed, and they now need medical attention. 

You have no idea why the alien lady was so hostile to your Mother, but seemed perfectly fine talking to you. At least she’s letting both of you on her ship because if she wanted your Mother to stay outside you would absolutely not be allowed to explore a never-before-seen alien spaceship. Which you very badly want to do. You realize that a normal kid would probably be terrified and refuse to help or just run in the opposite direction and a normal mother wouldn’t let her child converse with a giant freaky alien lady and get access to her ship, but the thing is: You are not a normal kid, and your Mother is not a normal mother. 

The inside of the ship is absolutely huge. Of course, you’d already assumed it was big, but it’s a sort of TARDIS: bigger on the inside, smaller on the outside type of situation because this is just insane. Instead of going off to explore every room and examine every piece of machinery you see, however, you follow the alien down the long hallways to your destination, carefully mapping out which directions you’re going so that if you have to run you won’t get lost. Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you just know it’s Green scolding you for doing this but you’re pretty sure you know what you’re doing so he can fuck off. 

...That was a lie, you have no idea what you’re doing but at least you know that it’s stupid and no one else needs to tell you that. 

Eventually, the alien stops you right in front of a giant, high-tech door that has about six bajillion sci-fi looking locks on it. The alien says something in that weird language of hers, however, and all the locks simultaneously click open and the doors slide apart like an elevator. The alien gestures at you and your mother to stay put and steps into the room, not moving her mouth at all but making a strange, high-pitched _’clck-chrr-chrr-clck!’_ noise. 

You turn slightly to see your Mother’s reaction to all this, and it’s pretty much what you expected. She’s just as unnaturally calm about all this as you are, because you’re both definitely crazy when it comes to common sense, and her fingers are twitching slightly at her sides like she’s itching to write, which she absolutely is. Your Mother is a linguist, she’s probably trying to gather as much information about the aliens’ language as she can and wants to write it down. You do, too, actually, but you’re more interested in what their culture could be than the language. It seems amazingly advanced so far, much better than anything on Earth, and the few behaviors the alien had portrayed suggest a society much different than your own. 

The alien repeats the noise she made again, and a few seconds pass before a staticky response is heard. You can hear someone talking in the room, but the noise also crackles over what you assume to be speakers. You can’t quite make out distinct properties of the voice, however. The person replying, who you assume is another alien crew member, makes a new noise, strangely similar but with a different tone, something that sounds more like _’clck-clck-chrr-hrr.’_

The alien turns back to you and your Mother and gestures for you to enter the room after her. You do, albeit carefully because it’s pitch black in there and you don’t want to trip over a box or something that you can’t see. Thankfully, you don’t trip and fall like an idiot and stand beside the alien, waiting because you have no idea what to do here. 

“What exactly do I do?” you ask, because she isn’t doing anything either and you aren’t just going to stand awkwardly forever. The alien gives you a strange look. 

“Helm. Not on planet?” 

“I’ve never seen anything like this ship or your species or anything before.” you try, because you don’t exactly get what she’s asking here. “I’ll try to help, but I have absolutely no idea what you actually need help with.” 

The alien looks completely baffled. The staticky voice from before makes a breathy, slightly growly sound that sounds like laughter. “Complicated, but... Explain now, to help.” she starts, and you realize that isn’t all she’s going to say so you wait as she visibly struggles to find the right English words to explain what she wants to tell you. “Helmsman pilot with brain. Bound to ship. Only pilot as adult, but helmsman here too young. In pain, will die quicker. Must release.” she says slowly and stares at you. 

“I didn’t get all of that.” You admit. Your mother, after being completely silent since the alien started talking to you outside the ship, finally speaks up. The alien visibly tenses, but doesn’t draw her weapon, thankfully. 

“Your ‘helmsman’ controls the ship with their brain, can only do so as an adult, but the ‘helmsman’ for this ship is too young and is in pain and will die soon if they aren’t freed.” your Mother infers. The alien nods at her. “You need help freeing them, and can’t do it yourself, I assume. We’ll try to help you, but your tech is highly advanced and depending on what exactly the situation is when we see your ‘helmsman,’ we might need to get more people to help.” 

The alien nods, now very eager. “Anything. Must free.” she insists. She sounds much more desperate than before, she must care a lot about her pilot-- er, helmsman. 

“Can you maybe turn on the lights so we can try to help?” you suggest, and the alien actually smiles at you, her lips parting to reveal rows of small, sharp teeth that look similar to a dolphin’s. She snaps her fingers sharply, and suddenly the room is flooded with bright light. You hold your hand over your eyes, waiting for them to adjust as you slowly drop your hand back down. You blink a few times and look around the room to find the alien’s helmsman. 

“Now, where’s-- HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK!” you scream, now very tempted to just run out of the ship and never leave your bedroom ever again but instead you just stand frozen and stare. Three of the helm’s four walls are sleek and red like the rest of the ship, but the left wall looks like something straight out of a horror movie. At first glance, it’s covered in what looks like tentacles, but with closer inspection they look like tendrils of actual flesh and veins and-- and blood, and it’s moving, writhing against the walls as if trying to get free and devour anything in reach. 

The alien leans down and takes your arm, surprisingly gentle as she leads you closer to the mass of wire-tentacle-flesh things that are definitely going to give you nightmares for the rest of your life. She points at the mass. “Bi-o-wi-re-s.” she sounds out slowly. “Connects helmsman to ship.” she explains, and you just nod weakly, swallowing and trying really hard not to throw up on this alien’s ship. 

Biowires. Yeah. Okay. They’re wires that look like they’re alive. Fitting. Horrifying. Gross. 

The alien then moves her hand to point to the very center of the biowires. “Helmsman inside. Can reveal for you.” she says, and then says something in her language. The lights flicker and you don’t know what you’re expecting, an adult in a room hidden in the wires or something, maybe, but what you definitely aren’t expecting is for the biowires to shift around even more and move away from the center to reveal an actual living, breathing(?) alien hanging from the remaining biowires who looks like they might be dead because you don’t actually see them breathing. 

You take a second to look at the alien trapped in the biowires, who must be the ship’s helmsman. The biowires are wrapped around their torso, arms, legs, holding them limply in the air, and you think you see a few of the wires going into their temples and you think you even spot a larger biowire protruding from their chest. The helmsman, now that you’re looking at them closer, is, in fact, alive. Their breathing is shallow and they aren’t moving, but they’re alive. 

The alien says something in her language again and the helmsman goes through a full-body shudder before the lights flicker again and suddenly the speakers crackle again. The voice is extremely clear now, and you realize with a start that the helmsman was speaking through the ship. You don’t see their mouth moving as the speakers come to life and the helmsman starts talking in alien language. Their words are suddenly drowned out with white noise, and then, in perfectly clear English, the helmsman speaks again. A projection of a text box appears on the opposite wall, and words appear on it in a mustard yellow. 

“DOWNLOADING ENGLISH VOCABULARY DATABASE. DOWNLOADING ENGLISH GRA^^^^AR DATABASE. INSTALLING ENGLISH VOCABULARY DATABASE. INSTALLING ENGLISH GRA^^^^AR DATABASE. UPLOADING. INSTALL^^ENT CO^^PLETE.” The voice is extremely monotone and sounds more like one of those generic text-to-speech things like Google Translate, but suddenly it’s replaced with a completely different voice as more text appears. “Nice to ^^eet you, we co^^e in peace, yadda yadda. This is the first ti^^e I’ve been allowed to talk for ^^yself in half a sweep and I’d just like to say that your language is overly co^^plicated and also I think this is what it feels like when you put your own body through a hu^^an ‘^^eat processor.’” 

The new voice is definitely the helmsman speaking, you conclude. Their voice is much higher than the alien lady’s, and definitely more expressive. While the lady’s voice is monotonous and all-business, the helmsman’s voice is emotional with a strange ‘rookie-like’ feel to it that makes it sound like the helmsman doesn’t fully know or understand what they’re doing. It’s also much younger-sounding, and you suddenly understand with a new form of horror that you didn’t know you could reach that when the alien lady said her helmsman is ‘too young,’ she didn’t mean ‘a young adult,’ she meant that her helmsman is _a literal child._

_A child is being used as a living battery to power a ship._

“Wh-- why is your helmsman a CHILD?!” you yell, turning to the alien lady with newfound fury. “You said you want to free them so they won’t die, but if the problem is that they’re literally a child being used as essentially a battery for your battleship, why did you even let this happen?!" 

“Oh, I’^^ not her battleship. She stole ^^e!” the helmsman corrects you while giggling like a child, which they are. 

“Stole… you?” 

“...I ^^ean, she already knew I was the hel^^s^^an. That’s kind of why she stole it, to get us off-planet and find another intelligent species who could possibly get ^^e out without ^^elting my thinkpan out of ^^y skull because there’s absolutely no way anyone on our planet would have.” they add after a moment.

“Do you know how you…” you gesture vaguely in their direction. “How to get you out?”

“I ^^ean you could always kill ^^e--”

The alien growls, suddenly openly hostile at them, and the helmsman sighs.

“That was sarcas^^. It’s a surgical process. Your hu^^an docterrorists could probably do it if they’re qualified enough, I have the instructions here--” a pause. “Wait, I don’t have access until ^^edical staff is actually onboard the ship. That’s a stupid rule.” they grumble. “Well, then, I WILL have access to the surgery’s instructions when you actually get so^^e docterrorists in here to get ^^e out. I’d prefer if you do that soon, though, because even if I cut off all power in this ship so I don’t waste ^^ore of my thinkpan, I’d have about three perigees until I finally die fro^^ constant psionic overexposure and extended periods of ^^assive psionic overuse.”

“Perigees?”

“A perigee is about one hu^^an ^^onth.”

You think for a moment. How on Earth are you and your Mother going to convince what the helmsman refers to as ‘docterrorists,’ which you assume are doctors, to willingly board an alien vessel to free an alien child from what looks like living wires that are constantly draining said child’s mental and physical energy to power the alien vessel, which also happens to be a battleship? And in three months?

Well you’re going to try anyway because you may be kind of an asshole but there’s no way you’re willingly letting a child die painfully like this. Actually, come to think of it…

You look back up at the helmsman. “Wait, how old are you?”

“Seven!”

“SEVEN?!” you yelp. The helmsman _(Hel^^s^^an?)_ replies immediately.

“Oh, wait, sorry, I forgot you hu^^ans age differently than we do. Seven sweeps. I’d be fifteen in hu^^an years. I just turned seven sweeps a perigee ago, too! Happy late hatchday, ^^e!”

So they are, in fact, younger than you by about a year and a half. That just makes you feel even worse than before.

“Mother?” you ask hesitantly. She turns to look at you, stepping away from the doors as she walks towards you a few steps. “Do you think we’ll be able to get them out?”

“He, actually! Was it not obvious? ^^y previous passengers did tell ^^e ^^y voice was weird, so, sorry about that.” the helmsman corrects. He, then.

Your Mother thinks for a moment and reaches out to ruffle your hair. “I think so, though it will definitely take a while. Well within the time limit if I play my cards right, though, so don’t worry.”

The lady alien claps her hands together gleefully. “Good!” she cheers. She then brings her hands down and nods at the helmsman. “Helm translate.” she instructs, and then starts talking in her alien language.

“Oh, I’^^ translating now. Let ^^e put her words on the screen in English really quick because I don’t want to translate it out loud.” the helmsman mutters, and pink words pop up on the screen.

Beach one Of you Is the Most applicabubble To frond A docterrorfish Group willfin To free My helmsman?

Ignoring the truly phenominal amount of fish puns, your Mother raises her hand. “I am. I don’t think Vio would be much help doing so, as he’s a child.” You’d usually argue with her about that for the fun of it, but she’s right this time. You don’t know any ‘docterrorists’ or have any important connections like your Mother does. The alien nods and keeps speaking, and the helmsman keeps translating.

Vio cod Be helpful Skrill, i Beachieve.

“How, though? It might be different on your planet based on your reaction to my Mother speaking, but minors don’t really have much influence, authority, or important connections like adults do, here. I don’t really have anything I could help with.” you explain. You’re pretty sure you were right about cultural differences here, because the helmsman giggles again and the alien lady nods seriously with a curious _'chrr?'_

You’re a Smart buoy, Right?

“I… Think-- yes?” you reply. No one had actually asked you that before because it’s pretty obvious to your classmates and teachers that you are, in fact, smart, and your Mother being one of the most famous linguists out there probably helped that.

Your mother Lusus, what Is her Job?

“I’m a linguist.” your Mother answers, and every time she speaks or moves in the alien’s direction, the lady tenses up as if ready for a fight, but also out of fear if her eyes widening visibly is any indication. Your Mother notices this and steps back behind you slightly, and the lady lets out a slightly relieved breath of air. “One of the best ones out there. I study languages, mostly unknown ones, and figure out exactly how they work and translate them into other languages after figuring out their rules and structure.”

And your Buoy there, Is he Good at That too?

“I mean, I’m not-- it’s not my actual job, but I picked up some things watching Mother work. I’m more into the cultural aspect of things, not the language, but I’d like to think I’m okay at it.” you admit and a happy bubble-like noise sounds from the alien's throat as she grins widely at you again.

Mother lusus, You go Get some Docterrorfish as Soon as Possible. vio Whale stay Here and Accompanemone the Anarchic unkrill You get Back.

“Please don’t say you’re going to kidnap me and fly off into space.”

The helmsman and the alien burst into buzzing laughter, and you nervously laugh yourself for a second before they manage to calm down.

No, you Can stay In your Hive if You’d rather Do that, I just Want you To spend Time whaleth The anarchic. The two Of you Can work On figuring Out each Others’ languages For fun If you Want, i Just don’t Want him To get Lonesea.

“I guess I could do that. Who’s the Anarchic?” you ask. “The helmsman?” you guess at the helmsman's amused snort, and the alien lady nods. “Isn’t that also the name of the ship?” you add, curiously. The helmsman makes a sound not unlike an awkward cough with a weird, bee-like humming undertone.

“I a^^, Vio. The hel^^s^^an takes on the identity of the ship they’re installed in once they gain consciousness in the hel^^.” he explains. “Also, I’d rather not tell you ^^y hatchna^^e yet for personal reasons. The ship is the Battleship Anarchic, and ^^y nam^^ is now, also, the Anarchic. Or Anarchy according to your stupid gra^^^^ar rules, but don’t call ^^e that.”

“Well, this all seems settled…” your Mother states. “Do you have any others on the ship?”

The alien shakes her head, but at the same time, the hel-- _Anarchic’s_ voice says, “Yep.” The alien gives Anarchic’s body a confused glance. “Wait, I never told you, did I? Huh, weird, I thought I did.” Anarchic mumbles. “Your kis^^esis is onboard, and there’s a recently-^^olted subadult I sensed hidden in the prison cells below. Teal, I think.”

And you Didn’t tell Me this, Why? the alien lady hisses.

“YOU try running an entire fucking battleship with your ^^ind and see if you can re^^e^^ber every i^^portant thing that happens!” Anarchic retorts. The lady makes a soft, slightly wounded _’chrr-clck’_ noise and Anarchic mutters an apology. “...Anyway, yeah. Two stowaways, and neither of the^^ are here on accident. I can try pulling up a ^^ap to show you exactly where they are--”

A few long, tedious seconds pass, and Anarchic sighs, irritated. “Okay, I can’t. I don’t have access to anything but the fucking doors and power on this ship.” he groans.

"Sorry about that." you mutter, because really, that must suck. Anarchic makes a startled chirping noise at you and the alien lady gives his body a look.

Not now, Anarchic. she scolds and Anarchic abruptly goes silent, then continuing talking again.

“I guess y’all just have to search the ship for the^^, the stowaways I ^^ean, but I’d advise against an adult trying to find a little subadult because, hoo boy, that’s a recipe for a disaster right there. Wait a second, hey, Vio, you find the kid!” he yells at the end. Your name sounds slightly different than when he said it before, though you can't place exactly how so you brush it off as your imagination.

“Why me?”

“You’re a subadult, too-- er, hu^^an teenager or whatever-- so you won’t accidentally frighten a recently-^^olted subadult like an adult would! ^^iss Bossypants here can find her kis^^esis herself, but she shouldn’t go near a s^^all ‘child' like that. So, you do it!” Anarchic explains gleefully, and you have the strangest feeling that he’s setting you up for potential failure in order to laugh at you. Nevertheless, you sigh and nod.

“Sure, fine.” you mutter, and Anarchic cackles as you turn and leave the helm to find what you assume to be a baby alien wandering the ship. Your phone buzzes in your pocket again, and you stop and pull it out. Might as well answer your messages.

\---IngeniousArchivist [IA] IS ONLINE---

IA: I’m not going to bother reading that frankly insane amount of text. I’ll just tell you all that I’m fine and so is my Mother and the aliens are absolutely not a threat, quite the opposite. They desperately need our help, and my Mother and I have agreed to assist them.  
IA: Before you all yell at me, let me explain.  
IA: The alien’s battleship is stolen and is not her ship. She stole it because she allegedly knows the pilot, or what they call a ‘helmsman,’ and now that I think about it, pilot is a rather kind word to use. Helmsmen are, effectively, living batteries that are trapped in the ship and mentally connected to it, controlling the ship with their brain. The ship eventually will drain their lifespan and kill them, and they are in great pain until then. Most helmsmen can take it, as they are adults. The helmsman for this ship, however, is a child. He’s younger than I am. The alien needs help getting him out from the ship so he won’t die a painful death, and if she doesn’t succeed, he’ll perish in about three months by his estimate.  
IA: My Mother and I will attempt to help in any way we can. I’m supposed to keep the helmsman company, probably to distract him from his horrible situation, and my Mother is going to try and round up a team of doctors that could possibly be able to remove him from the ship via surgery, as that is the only safe way to do it.  
IA: I’d rather not describe exactly how he’s connected to the ship, because, frankly, it’s horrifying and I’m definitely going to have nightmares.  
IA: There are also two stowaways on the ship, one of which is a small child that neither of the two aliens know, and the other is the alien lady’s ‘kismesis,’ which I’m assuming could be their word for a romantic partner or perhaps a close relative/friend. I’m currently searching the ship trying to find the child, as the helmsman explained that an adult finding her would surely end in disaster. I’m assuming something on their planet having to do with adults makes younger people scared of them, based on the helmsman’s warning and the alien lady’s reaction to my Mother.  
IA: That’s kind of all that’s happening right now.  
VP: that SURE WAS AN EPIC WORD DUMP THERE?!  
PC: Vio i’m gonna fucking kill you do you realize how much of an idiot you are.  
II: oh no thats horrible :( hows the helmsman doing now :?  
IA: He acts like he’s perfectly fine, actually, however when he first started talking to us he said he thinks ‘this is what it feels like to put your body through a human meat processor.’ Then he started laughing at us and making sarcastic remarks.  
II: do you know his name :?  
IA: I don’t know his ‘hatchname,’ but he said that when a helmsman is installed in a ship, they take the ship’s name as their own. The ship is the Battleship Anarchic, and he is Anarchic, or Anarchy ‘according to our stupid grammar rules,’ but he doesn’t want to be called that.  
VP: you seem weirdly calm about this…  
IA: I assure you I am one more big shock away from just dying on the spot, I swear.  
IA: Now, I have an alien child to find and a helmsman to keep company, so I’ll talk to you guys later.

\---IngeniousArchivist [IA] IS OFFLINE---

You put your phone away and continue walking, trying to find stairs or an elevator since Anarchic said the child was in the ‘prison cells below.’ Thankfully, it only takes you a minute or two before you find a long flight of stairs going down to another floor. You rush down the stairs, trying to make as little noise as possible as to not startle who you’re trying to find. 

You reach the bottom of the stairs just as you hear a loud, growly scream of “VAAHTI!” from the floor above that makes you jump in surprise. Then, there’s a lot of arguing in the alien’s language, so you assume that the lady found whoever the other person was and they got into a fight. They probably aren’t dating, then, a kismesis must be a family member. You continue walking after a minute, going down the hallway. Yep, this definitely looks like a prison, with blocks of space barred off with what looks like tinted red glass humming with energy. You don’t see a key or a lock or any way to open them, however. 

You keep walking all the way to the end, looking in every space as you go to try and find wherever the child is. Finally, in the last cell on the left, you spot a shift of movement. You turn around and lean forward to look into the cell, squinting to see better in the dark. You don’t want to ask Anarchic to turn the lights on, since that would drain more power and you definitely don’t want to lessen his already infinitesimal lifespan. You patiently wait for your eyes to adjust naturally, instead, and see another shift of movement in the far right corner. 

Finally, your vision focuses enough for you to make out a small child, a little girl you think. Her skin is light grey like Anarchic’s but slightly tinted a bluish-teal color instead of plain grey. Her hair is very curly, fluffing out everywhere and piling onto her shoulders. Her eyes are yellow with black pupils and irises, glowing slightly in the dark like tiny dollar store flashlights. Her little horns poking out of her head point diagonally upwards, then diagonally inwards, forming a sort of open diamond-like shape. She’s wearing a little black dress with many ruffles at the skirt’s hem and at the collar, and puffed sleeves. It’s tied around her waist with a little teal-colored sash, and she has a teal sign on her chest like Anarchic’s yellow sign and the alien lady’s black one. She’s staring at you with wide eyes, her bottom lip trembling as if she were about to cry. 

You wonder if she could hear you if you talk. You tap on the glass gently and she tilts her head. “Can you hear me?” you ask. The little alien immediately lights up like a ferris wheel and starts babbling away in the alien language. The speakers crackle with broken-up laughter and you silently curse Anarchic for making you retrieve a tiny child who probably has no idea what you’re saying. 

“Hey, Anarchic, how do you open these doors?” you call, and the glass suddenly shakes and slides open like the helm’s doors did. “Uh, thanks.” you say awkwardly. The little girl squeals in delight and makes an odd, high-pitched chittering noise that sounds sort of like those clay-cracking ASMR videos Red watches. She stands up shakily, gaining her balance, and toddles over to you with her pudgy little hands extended like she wants you to pick her up. You do, in fact, know how to actually hold a baby, so you pick her up and she immediately reaches up and yanks on a loose strand of your hair. 

“Ow! Don’t do that.” you scold her, but she just gurgles at you like a human baby and continues making the chittering noise. “Anarchic! What do I do now?” you yell, not really wanting to be ignored or laughed at again. You can't really be mad at him, however, maybe because he's a kid a little younger than you are. The speakers crackle to life again. 

“Bring her back here, I guess? If you do I can set up a translator for her, too. You shouldn’t let her out of your sight, recently ^^olted subadults without a lusus can be troubleso^^e, and she’s teal on top of that, so if you lose her you’re probably never finding her again unless she wants to be found.” he instructs gently as if explaining what to do to a ten-year-old. You nod (wait, can he actually see you? oh, well) and carefully walk back through the hallway, up the stairs, and back down the remembered path you mapped out to the helm. 

You reach the doors of the helm and are about to enter again, when Anarchic screams. Actually screams, and it sounds more like a roar with how loud it is. “SHIT, FUCKING, GODDA^^N IT--” he yells, and then the translator apparently goes down because he starts screeching in his own language as the lights start flashing dangerously. The little girl, obviously sensing that something is wrong, buries her face in the crook of your neck and growls quietly. It’s not very threatening because she’s a baby, but you can tell she’s still trying to scare off whatever threat might be there. 

The doors of every single room suddenly slam shut with a loud bang, and at the same moment the helm’s doors open and you only have just enough time to duck back inside the large room before they slam shut again. Anarchic is still screaming over the speakers, and you rush over to where your Mother is waiting with the troll lady and a male troll you don’t recognize. “What’s going on?” you yell over Anarchic’s screaming. The alien lady says something to you and you shake your head. “The translator shut down, I can’t understand you.” 

The alien clears her throat and speaks again, this time in her broken English. “Anarchic attacked. Your people not good. Will destroy if keep attacking.” 

Well, fuck. “Tell him not to attack them and-- and, can he speak outside the ship with his translator?” 

The lady thinks this over for a minute, and then nods hesitantly. “Maybe.” 

“Great, great.” you set the little girl on the ground for a moment and she grabs onto your pant let as you take a deep breath. “ANARCHIC! STOP!” you yell at the top of your lungs, cupping your hands around your mouth to carry your voice better. You haven’t actually yelled in a long time, your throat hurts now. Anarchic, thankfully, listens to you and stops screaming. 

“What ELSE should I do if they’re ATTACKING ^^E?!” he hisses out. It's less of a hiss, however, and more like his words are spoken by a room full of angry bees. It's something you're really starting to notice in the short time you've heard him talk, is that some of his alien noises sound like bees or are related to them in some way, like how the alien lady made bubbly, watery noises when she grinned. 

“You can use the translator for your messages outside the ship, right, like you can speak to people outside the ship in English?” you clarify. Anarchic pauses. 

“Yeah.” he answers reluctantly. 

“Can you tell them that we’re exiting the ship and to not arrest us or shoot us or anything? Specify that it’s only my Mother and I leaving, and we want to talk.” you instruct him. Anarchic grumbles something under his breath and you add, "We're gonna convince them to not attack you or the ship, to clarify." 

“Fine, but if they hit even try to shoot you, I WILL disintegrate the^^ and you can’t stop ^^e.” he relents with a grumble. You nod, you can work with that, you guess. “Go to the exit, when you’re there then I’ll tell the^^ what you’re doing. I closed the door before so they wouldn’t be able to enter ^^y interior.” he tells you, opening the helm’s exit. 

You and your Mother walk out of the doors, going back through the twisting hallways exactly the way you entered the ship before, eventually stopping in front of the exit and waiting. Anarchic’s voice crackles over the speakers, much louder than before and echoing throughout the ship and probably outside it, too. 

“Testing, testing, one-two-fuck you for shooting at ^^e.” Anarchic yells out and you groan in annoyance. Couldn’t he at least try to sound somewhat professional now? Apparently the answer is no, because he keeps talking with the vocabulary Blue uses on a daily basis. “This is the Battleship Anarchic speaking, specifically the ‘pilot’ of the ship. I have two hu^^ans WILLINGLY onboard ^^y ship, and they’re standing directly behind the exit. Please lower your weapons and don’t shoot or arrest the^^ when they leave ^^y walls. We co^^e in peace, and that is the cheesiest line ever by the way. The hu^^ans here just want to talk to you peacefully so just don’t kill anyone and we’re good. Okay?” 

There’s a long pause, and then the speakers fizz again. “Okay, cool.” his voice changes to the monotonous voice from before when he was downloading the English language for a translator. “DISABLING SHIELDS. DISABLING WEAPONS. OPENING HULL DOORS. ACTIVATING E^^ERGENCY SLEEP ^^ODE.” 

“Sleep mode?” your Mother wonders under her breath, staring at the speakers, but Anarchic doesn’t respond. By the way everything suddenly turns off and the door falls open with a thud instead of lowering slowly like before, you think that Anarchic just shut off everything on the ship and is probably whatever the helmsman equivalent is to being asleep. 

It takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the bright light of day, but when you do you see a huge crowd of policemen with shields and firearms, all facing the ship. Your Mother steps down off the ship first, and you follow her cautiously. You don’t want to get shot. 

The Chief of Police steps forward and you freeze because _oh, shit, you forgot that Green’s dad is the Chief of Police._ You know that Green and his dad don’t really get along that well and haven’t for years, so you’re very sure that Green didn’t tell him anything you messaged him about having to do with the aliens. 

“What do you have to say?” the Chief asks. “I’ve gotten many calls to get rid of these aliens as soon as possible, as they threaten the peoples’ safety, so explain why I should do otherwise.” 

You immediately start talking, because running your mouth to get out of situations you’d rather not be in is one of the things you do best. “Well, first off, all of that is wrong. They don’t threaten anyone’s safety and, if anything, we’re threatening theirs even more. They came here to escape their own planet, their ship is stolen and they desperately need help right now. There are three passengers on the ship, not including the pilot, who’s almost a year and a half younger than me.” You leave out the part where he’s essentially dying slowly and is also kind of trigger-happy at the moment because that might just make things worse. 

“The troll woman we talked to on the video-- you probably saw that, correct?-- is most likely the only adult based on general appearance and height. One of the other passengers is someone who I assume could be a possible romantic partner or of otherwise close emotional relation to the alien adult, and while he’s very tall he didn’t really feel like an adult to me. The final passenger is an alien girl who seems to be their equivalent of a toddler. Both of the last two passengers are stowaways, neither on accident although the adult's alleged romantic partner is the only extra passenger the pilot said he recognizes.” your mother finishes for you. 

“Do you know why they came here?” the Chief asks your Mother again, who nods slowly. 

“Yes, we do. The adult essentially stole this ship, specifically, because she knows the pilot and intends to free him. This would have been allegedly impossible on their own planet, and they came here for help. They only just realized they had stowaways a few minutes ago. They also have other possible reasons, but I’m certain that’s the main reason they’re here, is to help the pilot.” 

“Hm.” the Chief grumbles. “I demand entry to this ship to know that you’re telling the truth and to gather more information.” 

“I think the pilot might need to deactivate the emergency sleep mode first.” you mutter under your breath, and at that moment, the speakers crackle to life with a happy _'clck'_ from the helmsman. 

“Huh, forgot that the keyword to wake ^^e up was literally the si^^plest thing ever!” Anarchic laughs and the crowd stares at the ship again as if waiting for it to attack. “Unfortunately for you Chief, three out of four of us are subadults and therefore don’t trust ninety-eight percent of the adults we ^^eet, the exception being our wonderful leader who we knew before she was an adult, and Vio’s ^^other because she’s polite enough. This ^^eans that, no, you cannot enter our ship right now, but we can co^^e out to ^^eet you.” he explains clearly. The Chief looks up at the ship suspiciously.

“You are the pilot?” he asks. 

“Hel^^s^^an, yep.” Anarchic confirms. 

“And there is no way for us to enter the ship?” the Chief clarifies. 

“Nope! No ^^ore adults allowed, the^^s the rules!” Anarchic cheers, and you realize that he’s pulling that rule right out of his ass and he could and would absolutely let them onto the ship if he wasn’t in a bad mood. 

The Chief whispers to himself a moment and sighs. “Just give us a few minutes to disperse, and then we’ll continue arranging this.” 

“Okey-dokey!” Anarchic giggles. “Your hu^^an phrases are stupid. Okey-dokey, really?” Before the Chief can retaliate, the speakers deactivate once more, though you know that Anarchic’s still probably watching and listening. It takes about ten minutes for the rest of the force present to disperse, and the Chief remains with five other officers as emergency backup. 

“Pilot, we’re ready to continue negotiations.” the Chief calls, and the ship is silent. You wait, and Anarchic doesn’t respond. You roll your eyes and raise an eyebrow at the ship. 

“Stop being stubborn and just talk.” you shout at him, and Anarchic laughs at you with a series of chitters similar to what the little girl made. “This is serious, come on.” you scold him. 

“Fine, fine. ^^ister Chief ^^an, what do you want us to do?” Anarchic asks and the Chief stares at you, confused on why he only responded to you, before replying to Anarchic. 

“I order everyone on the ship to exit the interior unarmed. Everyone. On. The ship.” he clarifies. He probably caught on that Anarchic doesn’t want to do this and is trying to make sure there are no loopholes. Sadly for him, Anarchic doesn’t seem to get the memo of ‘all business’ and giggles again. 

“Sure, Bossypants: Hu^^an Edition, I’ll get all passengers to leave the ship. Unar^^ed, right? Just a sec, give ^^e a ^^o^^ent to confiscate our totally real laser guns and sci-fi evil tech that definitely exist and are so very dangerous.” he drawls, and you get the urge to smack him if he was nearby and you were actually able to touch him. 

You, your Mother, and the group of police wait uneasily for a minute or two before three aliens exit the ship. First, the alien lady, who easily towers over the Chief despite him being over six feet tall. Second is who you assume to be the lady’s ‘kismesis,’ who you take a moment to get a good look at. His sclera are bright red instead of yellow, and his skin is a dark grey. His face is covered in creepy white face paint, and his long black hair covers one of his eyes. His horns spiral upwards about half a foot, making him look taller than he is. He’s slightly taller than the Chief, and he’s wearing a black tunic-like shirt, black-and-grey patterned pants, white shoes, and a deep purple cape draped over his shoulders, a matching hat on his head. 

Finally, the little alien you found toddles after them and chitters in delight when she sees you, leaping forward and you just barely catch her without falling over in surprise. One of the policemen immediately takes out his firearm and points it at her, and you glare darkly at him. “She’s a harmless baby and she happens to take a liking to me, don’t shoot her.” you order him, and the little girl makes a _’grr-chrr-grr’_ sound at the man as well. He backs off and she chitters at you again, playing with your hair. Anarchic cackles, and you’re about to ask him why but instead you’re cut off by the Chief speaking. 

“Greetings, I am the Chief of Police on the planet Earth. We’re here in peace.” he explains, and the alien lady narrows her eyes. Yeah, even you can tell that that’s a blatant lie. The Chief holds his hand out for the lady to shake, but she stands there, perfectly still and not moving a muscle. 

“Attack ship. Aim weapon at subadult. Order helmsman like owner. Intend to capture. If this peace, not want.” she states, and Anarchic snickers quietly. You don’t think anyone else notices. The Chief slowly drops his hand back down to his side and scans the trio of aliens and then looks back at the lady with a cold stare. 

“Where is the ship’s fourth occupant? I ordered all of you out, and your pilot said there were four of you. There are only three here now, which is going against what we agreed on.” he asks. 

The alien man mutters something in their language as the lady shakes her head at the captain with an impatient rumble in her throat. 

“No. Helmsman agreed passengers leave. Helmsman not passenger. Cannot leave.” she reasons. 

“And why not?” the Chief asks, and the lady stiffens. 

“Can’t answer.” she mumbles, suddenly no longer as confident as she was. Before the Chief can get too angry about them not complying with his request, you step in. 

“The helmsman literally can’t leave the ship. It’s impossible.” you explain. The Chief gives you a disbelieving stare and Anarchic jumps in with a click from both him and the speakers he's talking through. 

“Yeah, I can’t exactly leave right now unless you want ^^e to die an excruciatingly painful death.” 

“We promised not to attack you.” 

“That’s not what I-- you know what? Vio, why don't you just lead the Chief to the Hel^^.” 

“Oh, now you let me on your ship?” the Chief questions and Anarchic snorts. 

“Uh, yeah, otherwise you’ll kill innocent people for literally telling the truth because you don’t believe us.” Anarchic reasons and you groan. 

“Fine. Can someone else take this child?” you ask, and the alien man steps forward and takes her from you. She squirms a little in his hold, then relaxes, staring right at you and babbling curiously. You walk up towards the ship and gesture at the Chief to follow you. He turns to his men to join, and Anarchic pipes up again. 

“Nope, no, nonononono, absolutely fucking not. I am not letting anyone else on this ship right now except for you and Vio, buddy. Don’t even think about taking your bodyguards on board or I will s^^ite you.” he growls out and you give the nearest visible speaker an exasperated look, then turn back to the Chief. 

”He won’t kill anyone, I swear. He’s just really cautious right now and also you tried to kill him a few minutes ago, so this request isn’t unreasonable.” you promise, and lead the Chief into the ship’s interior and down the long, twisting hallways to the helm’s door-- which is locked shut. Great. 

You sigh. “Anarchic, open the door.” you groan. The Chief raises an eyebrow. 

“Anarchic?” 

“The helmsman has the name of the ship, Battleship Anarchic, so his name is also Anarchic.” you explain quickly. “Also--” you hold a hand out to stop him from entering the dark. “I kind of refrained from telling you something really important about the helmsman. So, don’t freak out, but the helmsman is literally merged with the ship and he’s in a lot of pain right now because one of the main reasons they came here was to get him out because if they don’t he’ll die from being too young to pilot the ship and most of the power is off if we don’t absolutely need it because it’ll drain his power faster and we don’t want that so please don’t shoot him okay? Okay--” you say in one big breath and bring your hand back down to your side. 

“Also, don’t look at the left wall immediately.” you add and turn back to the helm, entering the room and pointedly looking right instead of left because no. “Anarchic, turn on the helm’s lights.” you say, and the dim lighting flickers on. 

The Chief makes a choked, horrified noise behind you as he slowly turns to stare at the left wall. Anarchic is exactly where he was before, which isn’t surprising because he’s trapped in a bunch of creepy tentacle wires against a wall. You swallow and clear your throat, sweeping your hand out to gesture at Anarchic’s body. 

“Chief, this is the helmsman, Anarchic. Anarchic, this is the Chief of Police.” you introduce shakily, trying to look everywhere but at Anarchic and failing spectacularly. The Chief is staring at Anarchic in horror, unmoving. His mouth is hanging open in shock, and his face is pale. 

The text translator appears on the opposite wall and both you and the Chief turn to look at it as Anarchic starts talking. “Nice to ^^eet ya, Chief of Police” A smiley-face emoticon appears on the screen as Anarchic giggles. “You co^^e here often?” 

\--- 

You think you broke the Chief by showing him the helm, because he looks two seconds away from passing out as the two of you leave the ship. He quietly informs you and your Mother that the aliens are permitted to stay as long as they don’t resort to violence, and he jumps almost a mile in the air when Anarchic cheerfully notes that “Oh, you won’t have to worry about that unless you try to blow ^^y brains out with firepower again!” through the speakers and the alien lady scolds him in their own language. 

After that, the policemen all but run away from your house, and you all go back into the helm. Anarchic updates the translator so everyone is translated to the opposite language on the text so you can all understand each other. The alien man apparently understands English just fine but doesn’t speak a word of it, and the little girl doesn’t understand it at all, so Anarchic has to translate you and your Mother’s words to his own language for her as well. 

“You know, we should all introduce yourselves because we don’t all really know everyone’s na^^es." Anarchic notes before you start talking to each other as a group. “First off, I’m Anarchic, hatchna^^e classified because fuck you I want at least so^^e privacy on this ship.” 

The Alien lady speaks up, and her words fly across the projection. My adult Title is The playsafe. she says. You sound out her ‘title’ (why not name?) aloud to make sure you get it right, and she smiles at you. That whaled Be coralrect. One word, Playsafe, and Not play-Safe. good Job, buoy. she says and you give a small smile back at her. 

“I’m Vio.” you say, and your words show up on the projection as a series of strange characters and symbols that seem to be read right-to-left. Your Mother also introduces herself, Lavelina Sororia, and her words appear from right-to-left as well. 

The male troll glares at all of you before speaking in his language, and his words easily appear in English for you to read. My name is Vaahti Picori~* I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but I’m only here to make sure that Playsafe doesn’t fuck up and I literally couldn’t care less about the rest of you~* he states bluntly. Wow, you can understand why Playsafe doesn’t seem to like this guy, he’s awful. 

The little girl babbles happily, but as you read the words on the screen you know she isn’t introducing herself. 

If th3 chi3f com3s back I say d3ath! D3ath for on3 thousand y3ars!! H3’s m3an to th3 ship and do3sn’t d3s3rv3 to com3 back! she cheers and you and your mother just kind of… stare at her in shock. Anarchic chuckles. 

“Oh, right. She ^^ust be too young to have a na^^e yet.” he realizes. “What should we call her for now?” 

“Why not just Kid? Cause she’s a kid.” you suggest and everyone gives you a strange look. You stare up at the ceiling. “Look, I’m not good with names, okay?” you admit. 

Vaahti turns to Playsafe and not-so-subtly jabs a finger in your direction. Is he the child’s lusus? he asks and Playsafe giggles. 

Maybe! she agrees. You look between them, then at the little girl, then back between the two. 

“I’m sorry, am I missing something here?” you ask slowly. “What’s a lusus? And why do you think I’m one?” 

“Lusus. Plural: Lusii. A pure white creature on our ho^^e planet, each assigned to a single subadult to take care of after they have their first ^^olt. Cares for the subadult until their final ^^olt, in which the lusus will be taken care of by the adult or killed depending on the blood caste.” Anarchic defines and you raise your eyebrows in surprise. 

”Yeah, I’m not a lusus.” you protest, and Anarchic chuckles. 

“Yeah, not by definition, but you sure are a ^^etaphorical stand-in for hers!” he cheers. “She’s drawn to you like freshly ^^olted subadults are usually drawn to their lusus, and she’s been chittering at you this whole ti^^e!” You were wondering what that noise was, and why she was making it. “You’ve essentially been her ‘hu^^an caretaker’ since you found her.” 

You reach down and pick up the little girl, staring at her. She stares right back with a sharp grin. Her teeth are like a shark’s and look a bit too big for her mouth. You then look up at the speaker closest to you, then back at the little girl. “So, basically, I alien-adopted this kid.” you say slowly. Anarchic continues to laugh at you, and you’re starting to think his new favorite thing is making fun of you. You sigh. “What exactly does that mean, then?” 

“Basically, just kind of… take care of her and ^^ake sure she stays out of trouble. When she gets older she’ll naturally be very independent, being able to get her own food, water, and shelter and stuff, but until her second ^^olt you should keep a close eye on her.” 

“How many molts do you have?” your Mother asks, and, surprisingly, Vaahti answers instead of Anarchic or Playsafe. 

Three~* Our first molt is about a sweep after we hatch, changing us from grubs to the first stage of subadult~* Our second molt is in the middle of our subadult era, usually around four sweeps after our first molt and starts the second subadult stage~* Our final molt is at the end of the second subadult stage, and happens at ten sweeps of age~* The final molt changes us from an older subadult to an adult, but is very tedious unlike the other molts~* We have a high chance of death during our molt if we aren’t culled before then because of our weakened state, and if we happen to survive, we’re shipped out on a suicide mission, essentially~* Most of us never make it to adulthood~*

“Geez, ^^an, you didn’t need to scare the^^ you know.” Anarchic mutters. 

“Is that another reason why you left? Because of Playsafe’s adult molt?” asks your Mother, and Playsafe nods sagely. 

Yes, we Did. it Took us Aboat a Perigee to Get here, And i Actualsea molted On the Ship. we Left on my Tenth hatchday, Exactly. Playsafe explains. The room is silent for a while, and Playsafe quickly changes the topic. Vio, you’ll Be just Nicknaming the Gill ‘kid’ Until you Can find A permanemone Name for Her? she clarifies, and you nod. That’s fine.

“Alright, then, now that we got introductions out of the way, we should discuss our plans!” Anarchic pipes up and murmurs of agreement sound from around the room. “So, Lavelina, you’ll try to get docterrorists to help get ^^e out of here, but we need to do that in under three perigees or I’ll die. And while you’re trying to do that, Playsafe requested that Vio keeps ^^e co^^pany until then so I don’t get lonely or whatever. What else do we need to do?” 

“Well.” your Mother begins, folding her arms. “We should eventually find a way to make the general public see you all as harmless.” 

We aren’t harmless~* Vaahti grumbles, and Playsafe grabs one of his horns and yanks his head to the side quickly. Vaahti growls at her and then quiets. 

“--We don’t want an incident like we just had where people decide to attack Anarchic.” your Mother finishes, ignoring Vaahti and Playsafe’s scuffle. “Other than that, I don’t really know what else to do. Is there anything you all need?” 

We have At least Three sweeps Worth of Food Before We’d need To get More. Playsafe informs you all. I suggest Gaining some Sort of Artifishal lights And portabubble Eelectricity that Won’t use The ship’s Power, to Push back Anarchic’s estimated Death date.

“Expiration date, printed on the label.” Anarchic jokes. You roll your eyes. 

\--- 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make it clear if the name change is confusing: Trolls have a naming structure of six-letter first names and last names, and when they're adults they gain eight-letter titles. I changed the cast's names to fit this. Here are the trolls' names/general ages:
> 
> Vaahti Picori = Vaati/9 sweeps (nineteen years)  
> Kid (unnamed) = Erune/2 sweeps (five years)  
> The Playsafe = Zelda/10 sweeps (twenty-one years)  
> Anarchic* = Shadow/7 sweeps (fifteen years)
> 
> *While Shadow is not, in fact, an adult (being seven sweeps/fifteen years old, a year younger than Vio, and not ten sweeps or older like Zelda), he does have a title as he's a helmsman. It's not his official title since he's still not technically old enough to actually create an official title for himself, but helmsmen are named after their ships once they're installed, as he explained earlier.

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr is @singingvio! Please leave comments/kudos if you liked the story or want to talk about it.


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